Shout the Words and Dance like Crazy

sometimes you just need to babysit to put everything into perspective.

i babysit for one of my friends and she has 4 girls. KK who is 8, kenzie who is 6, jack jack who is 4, and jazzy who is 2. needless to say, its a handful. and not only that but i also have to basically babysit the ladys brother and his cousin who are 23. its sad when you have to get onto a 23 year old for something that the 2 year old knows not to do..

it has helped me to see even more things that i do not want in a man. like immaturity(if that's how you spell it), extreme sarcasm, and disrespect. if you can't treat me like i have a brain, and you undermine my authority, get away from me. im so over being treated like an imbecile just because i am under 18. NEWS FLASH. im more mature and have a far greater intellect than you ever could.

i also know that i dont want kids until after college and am settled in my marraige. cause this household is crazy. just sayin.

i also need a bluray with netflix and pandora. because it is awesome.

the kids have shown me how to live life to the fullest. they also make me realize that things that seem hugely important and devastating at one time, are usually not that bad and get better in a short time. i now know to live in the moment and give everything i do my all. if you're gonna listen to pandora, you have to shout the words and dance like crazy.

all this and that katy perry is great dance music. oh, and black men usually think they can dance amazing, when really it is just sad.  poor stanley.

wide awake

long time no write. mostly because i keep forgetting i have a blog. haha.

so here's the thing. i know in previous blogs i have talked about my struggles with being single and having a very few amount of friends. and i bet you didnt see this coming...

...its still the same...

but in the process of the past year, one of the worst school years ive had in a while, ive learned quite a few things.

1) boys my age are stupid, like 98% of them, and they ARE GOING TO HURT YOU. no matter what they tell you, what they promise, and what your friends think, its usually a lie. they do what they have to, to get what they want. and lets face it, most dont think with their brains.

2) then there are the other 2% of guys. they are a rare breed. if you find one, dont let anything seperate you unless Jesus says so. because trust, if you do, someone else will appreciate him and take him away faster than you can blink.

3) teenage girls suck. once again, there is the 98/2 thing. 98% of them only think about boys, drama, boys, drama, and more boys, which leads only to more drama. most of them are not fit to live, love, or reproduce, much less be a legitimate friend.

4) then the 2%...if you are lucky and blessed, you have at least one person who is there for you no matter what. that one person your age who gets what you are going through and can laugh at your stupid jokes. someone who isnt a boyfriend or whatever.

5) in the end, it always comes back to Jesus. when im mad at the world and everyone in it, when im so broken i just wanna stay in bed for forever, when i feel so alone that i dont know if i can stand it for one more minute, He is always there. no matter what i am going through, He stands with me, holds me close, builds me up, listens to my problems, and cries with me. there is no friend or lover like Jesus.

*in the words of stephanie frizzle, He can love me more in a moment than other lovers could in a lifetime.

the past year has made me wide awake, opened my eyes to the decisions i make and those of the people around me. ive learned to be more cautious, and to run everything by Jesus first. He is the answer to everything.

here i sit, still alone...

being alone has its advantages, but then there are times like the past month or so where, frankly, it sucks ass. watching my friends with their significant others or soon-to-be ones, makes me wanna go cry. im to the point where i would date almost anyone hahaha. i dont know. its kind of like, i feel like something is wrong with me because no one seems to have any sort of interest in me, except like, the creepers. i mean, i want to wait on God to send me the right one, but its soooo hard. *sigh* lately, there have been alot of times when i just wanna be like, screw it, i will take anyone!! hahaha. but in the end, i dont. so here i am, still alone. its seems like i will be forever....help me Jesus, i dont know how much longer i can handle this.

whats ironic is that i give the best relationship advice. for instance, i am in the process of helping two of my really good friends with their guy issues. one of them takes my advice and her relationship is going great while the one who ignored me is now in a relationship with a guy who has openly admitted that he does not have any romantic feelings for her, but he is willing to force himself to "try" because he knows how much she likes him. seriously?? thats about the dumbest thing i have ever heard of. but does she listen to me, of course not. so a correction to my earlier statement. i would NEVER date someone who had to FORCE himself to like me. thats pathetic. just thought id get that out there, since she obviously doesnt listen to me when i tell her that. sheesh.

even after all of that venting, here i still sit, alone.

after everything i have been through, would be relationships that feel through because the guy is a douche, break ups, and attracting only 23 year olds, i feel like i am ready. but i guess that is up to God alone. and so here i am, full circle, still waiting. anytime now would be lovely lol. my best friend and i joke around all the time singing the song where its like, "im all alone, theres no one here beside me, my troubles are all gone, theres no one left to ride me, but you gotta have friends." shrek is so profound sometimes. haha

anywho, i would thoroughly enjoy meeting the one i am supposed to be with forever. that would be awesome....

kitchen knife set??

have you ever had that feeling that you've done something or had the same experience before?? yeah, that's called deja vu and ive been having alot of that lately. not the best experiences either. for instance, recently i lost a really good friend and it did not end well. we both ended up hurt but dealing with all the issues and drama that came with it kinds scarred me and me relationship shy. well lately it seems that the same thing is happening with nearly all of my friends and its freaking me out. is it me?? am i the problem?? at this point i only have one really good friend and one okay friend left. sure, there are people i converse with, but its not the same. *sigh* i mean seriously, what is up? just when i need people to talk to and stand behind me, i suddenly find a kitchen knife set in my back. i wanna be like "guys, i didnt ask for cutting utensils for christmas or my birthday, so why am i suddenly getting so many??" haha. oh well. no one ever said that people are trustworthy. im coming to realize that Jesus is the only one who is truly always there. of course that doesnt mean that i will always remember that or listen to reason. trust me, i will probably do the exact opposite, but thats me for ya. well thats enough ranting for now. peace out.

single and ready to mingle(:

seriously. this has become depressing. when you catch you and your best friend strolling through walmart scouting for guys, you know there's a problem. hahahaha. this happened to me and my beloved kayla today. we even resorted to texting the 23 year old that likes me(a story for another time) to try to get him to send us a pic.....how. embarassing. hahaha. i never thought we would hit that low but desperate times call for desperate measures, you know? I NEED A MAN!!!!! hahahahahhahaha. oh jeeze. just so you know, we aren't some type of mondo whores or anything. we're just lonely(: what makes it even worse is that we get hit on all the time(not to sound cocky or anything) and have guys flirt with us, they just don't ever do anything about it. and the ones that have acted, so far, in nice words, should not be allowed to reproduce. at all. period. just our luck, of course. and as we sit here, alone and bored, things are getting ridiculous. shoot. me. please. hahaha. gosh, this is why we are best friends. we both see our need for a man that is not being fulfilled and can comiserate with each other. all we can do is pray that God sends us someone sooner rather than later, cause i dont know how much longer we can last hahaha. we have come up with the perfect man his name is Nedabokeljayony. it is pronounced                knee-dah-bah-cal-jay-ony. are we crazy? of course. are we going to tell you who the name represents? HELL no. just thought that i would inform you that we know what we want and i dont plan on settling for any less. you feel me? hahahaha. so anyway, the whole point of this blog is to say that, if you know of anyone who you think would like us, let me know(: peace out.
sincerely,
single and lonely(:

i am not what i appear.

life is never as easy as it seems, people are not who they appear to be, and your words hurt more than you could ever know. sometimes all that gets me through are my friends, Jesus, and my music. i may seem tough and mean, but i feel alot more than i show. believe me, those "little digs" or "harmless jokes" you throw around like cheap candy make a very big impact. they play through my head 24/7, day and night, even when i'm at my happiest. i know that i am not the nicest person or i seem like a female dog, but its mostly a front. if you only how much i hurt. how close i am to tears most of the day. how much i just want to go home and sleep or hide somewhere to escape it all. but i can't. i have to deal with people who have no idea what is going on in my life so they just say whatever pops into that tiny little useless brain of theirs.

i usually say some of what i feel, if its mean or makes someone think twice before saying whatever they want to me, but i dont say HALF of what i think. trust me. you have noooo idea.

i felt like i needed to explain my attitude and personality, because i get taken the wrong way so many times because people see what the want to and hear the same. if you had to live in my shoes for a day, a week, a month, you would understand. my life is not as it appears. no ones is. take my advice and i will too. think twice before you just say whatever. it could be "the piece of hay that broke the camel's back". nough said.

He's Always On My Mind.

There are so many things to say on my first attempt at blogging, or even writing without being forced to in general. The thing that has been most on my mind lately has been God, actually. I'm not used to this, not at all. Most of the time, I just go about my daily life, not really paying attention to Him unless someone says something offensive, which is ironic because half of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is offensive. haha. but lately, He's been on my mind alot. and its not a bad thing. i notice that i'm acting better and as much like a fool. hahahaha. but then again, its alot more difficult to do the things and not feel bad about not giving Him the time of day. i mean, for pete's sake, He's supposed to be like my husband and most of the time i hardly give Him a second thought.

Lately, i've really been getting into youth group and worship. i've been trying to read my bible and talk to God on a daily basis, but i'm not the best at it. i notice that when i go to read it something always comes up, or i just don't feel like it, or whatever excuse i come up with. my day is always better and i'm usually pretty calm and in a good mood if i get to read my bible. for those of you who know me, it is rare for me to be calm or in a good mood, but i'm trying to fix that. me and bestie Kayla have started doing a weekly bible study, and it really helps.

i notice that i have this great yearning to read my bible alot. and when i pass it up for something else, i feel depressed and grouchy. the Word is like a soothing balm to my soul, corny as that may seem. worship and Jesus time and my bible calm me down faster than anything else ever has or ever will. i'm starting to get really excited about it.

i can pretty much guarantee that 98% of my blogs will be nowhere near as nice or God-centered as this blog is, but that's okay. i never said i was perfect. in fact, i am faaaaaaaaaaaaar from it. just to let you know. this is my first post but it wont be my last(:

-SavannahElaine